Stopping School Bullies Requires More than Laws, Policies
March 8, 2010
State laws and school policies are necessary, but they’re not enough to stop school bullies. The third necessary ingredient is the responsible people who are paid to make schools safe. If teachers, psychologists and counselors, assistant principals, principals, district administrators and school board members don’t create effective school programs and don’t enforce the laws and policies, perpetrators will be freed and their targets will be victimized.
According to the ABC News and investigative reporter Theresa Marchetta, Caitlin Smith was sexually assaulted in the final days of a summer program for incoming freshman at Englewood High School in a Denver, Colorado suburb. The evidence seemed clear-cut and, indeed, a court recently found the boy guilty of unlawful sexual contact with no consent.
The school had suspended him for the last three days of the summer program but what happened when school started in the fall?
Topics: Bullies at School, Coaching, Consulting, Parenting Bully-Proof Kids Book, Stop Bullies Book, parenting | No Comments »
Don’t let Toxic Step-Fathers and Colluding Mothers Keep Abusing You
March 4, 2010
Toxic step-fathers and step-mothers are clichés because they’re all too common. But the ubiquity of harassment, bullying and verbal, sexual and physical abuse doesn’t diminish the pain and long-term damage inflicted on defenseless kids.
Of course, kids can also treat their step-parents cruelly, and step-mothers and biological parents can also be relentlessly cruel, but let’s focus here on step-fathers who abuse their size, control and power.
These step-fathers sexually abuse one or all of their step-daughters while the moms ignore the evil. The perpetrators are to blame and the daughters’ anger is rightly focused on these men.
But let’s also look at the moms who won’t see or hear anything bad about their new husbands even though the complaints and evidence are clear, and the damage to their children is striking.
Topics: Bullies at Home, Coaching, Consulting, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book, parenting | No Comments »
Stop Bullies: Recognize Governor Sanford’s Abusive Behavior
February 23, 2010
In her New York Times book review, “Facing Scandal, Keeping Faith,” Janet Maslin describes Jenny Sanford’s new book, “Staying True.”
Jenny, wife of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, notes many typical warning signs of stealthy, manipulative, controlling bullies when she describes her husband’s behavior in their early marriage arrangements, and during the public unraveling of his attempted cover up of lies to her and the people of the State he’s supposed to represent.
Some of Governor Sanford’s typical behavioral warning signs of bullies:
Topics: Bullies at Home, Coaching, Consulting, Public Speaking, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book | 2 Comments »
Stop Toxic Parents and Grandparents: Shine a Light
February 16, 2010
Should you tell your children about your toxic parents, their toxic grandparents? What should you tell them and how?
Imagine that your parents no longer abuse you physically or sexually, but they still demean you, scapegoat you, ignore or scorn you, make nasty, hostile, sarcastic remarks and put-downs, and let you know that you’re not good enough. No matter what you do or don’t do, you’re wrong. They take charge of your life when you see them and break appointments whenever they feel like it. Their wants and feelings are the center of the world and you don’t count.
Imagine also that you used to think that if you told them, in just the right way and at the right time, how hurtful their treatment was and is, they’d stop. Or that you used to think your job was to rise above that treatment because they’re your parents, they’re getting old, they’re suffering, they deserve a little peace and happiness, and you owe them.
When can you stop trying to build bridges? When can you cut off communication? When can you tell your children why?
Topics: Bullies at Home, Coaching, Consulting, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book, parenting | No Comments »
Can Grandparents Stop Controlling Sons-in-Law?
February 11, 2010
This is about the opposite side of the coin from the toxic parents and grandparents that many people have experienced.
One of the saddest cries for help I hear is from nice, kindly, well-meaning grandparents whose daughters have given in to their controlling husbands. Their daughters don’t come to visit and don’t bring the grandchildren, they schedule visits and cancel at the last minute, the daughters and sons-in-law won’t allow the grandchildren to receive presents, the sons-in-law blame the grandparents because everything they do offends them and the daughters take his side and become verbally abusive in every attack.
Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Public Speaking, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book | No Comments »
Stop Toxic Coworkers and Other Bullies
February 2, 2010
There are toxic people in every environment – toxic family, toxic friends, toxic lovers and toxic coworkers. If you don’t recognize and respond effectively to toxic, bullying coworkers they can make your life miserable, harass you, turn the rest of your team against you, scapegoat you and even get you fired.
For example,
Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Eliminate Low Attitudes CD, Hostile Workplace, Public Speaking, Stop Bullies Book | No Comments »
Moments of Choice from Captain Chesley Sullenberger’s Childhood
January 26, 2010
My last post focused on children, teenagers and adults facing moments of choice when they’re targets of or bystanders-witnesses to harassment, bullying and abuse. People who repeatedly turn away from that call to step up usually develop terrible long-term consequences including increased stress, insecurity, discouragement and depression; increased blame, shame, guilt and negative self-talk; and loss of self-confidence and self-esteem.
The valor of Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger focuses us on a different but just as critical a set of choices our kids and teens face as they grow up.
Topics: Bullies at School, Coaching, Consulting, Stop Bullies Book, parenting | 2 Comments »
Stop Bullying: Bystanders/Witnesses’ Moments of Choice
January 20, 2010
There are moments of choice in all our lives when we are called upon to stand up for our best dreams and aspirations. Sometimes we recognize and seize these opportunities, sometimes we ignore these moments and sometimes we don’t ever hear their call to our spirits. Each of these moments and our responses create long-lasting effects on our self-confidence and self-esteem; on our vision of the futures we want and on the dedication and determination with which we pursue our dreams.
Obviously, being subjected to harassment, bullying and abuse, or giving in to the temptation to bully helpless people creates these critical moments. And being a bystander or a witness to bullying and abuse is also one of these moments that calls out to our spirits. Will we step up and defend what we know to be right? Are we cowards or lazy? Do we know what to do? Are we skilled?
Topics: Bullies at School, Coaching, Consulting, Parenting Bully-Proof Kids Book, Stop Bullies Book, parenting | 2 Comments »
Stop Boyfriend Bullies before Valentine’s Day
January 11, 2010
Imagine that you have a new boyfriend who seems wonderful and you’re looking forward to a romantic Valentine’s Day. But in your past relationships you were harassed, bullied, controlled and abused. You finally realize you have a tendency to pick the wrong guys. What should you look for with this new one and what should you do if you see any warning signs?
Step back and take a look at how he treats people now. Don’t listen to any of his reasons, explanations or excuses. Look only at his actions. Everyone can blow up once a year under extreme pressure, so count how often he behaves that way. Look for patterns.
Test him now … before it’s too late.
Topics: Bullies at Home, Coaching, Consulting, Public Speaking, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book | No Comments »
Stop Family Bullying Over a Favorite Child
December 28, 2009
The holidays may be over for a while but family harassment, bullying and abuse because of a favorite child still needs to be stopped. Typical situations are where the parents:
- Praise, defend and give the best presents or position in the Will to their favorite child.
- Put down the rest of the children or designate one as the scapegoat.
- Ignore the faults of one child while continually criticizing the other children.
- Cater to the whims of the favorite child and blame other children who resist.
Topics: Bullies at Home, Coaching, Consulting, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book | 3 Comments »