Managers must be decisive in handling problems
January 25, 2012
Good managers don’t clean up messes caused by their staffs. They prevent messes from happening.
Carl, head of a division, finally had to fix the problems in a department run by a senior manager, Brenda. He transferred one supervisor and three high-ranking staff members to other departments. He was satisfied: once again, he showed that he could be decisive and clean house.
But Carl had consistently ignored my advice that the head of that department was a problem. Even with the housecleaning, he didn’t make the changes necessary to keep the problems from resurfacing later.
Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Eliminate Low Attitudes CD, Hostile Workplace, Stop Bullies Book, Uncategorized | No Comments »
To Stop Bullies: Don’t Give in to Fear, Despair, Defeat
January 22, 2012
Stopping bullies, whether overt, covert or cyberbullying, and especially stopping self-bullying, requires time, effort, courage, determination and perseverance – grit.
It’s easy to lose heart along the way, but we must not give into fear, discouragement, despair, defeat, loss of hope or depression. We must not listen to negative self-talk, or give in to the self-flagellation of shame or guilt, or pay attention to the voices who are convinced we’ll lose.
Instead, we need two crucial things to become effective in stopping bullying.
Topics: Bullies at Home, Coaching, Consulting, cyberbullying, Hostile Workplace, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book | No Comments »
Snitches, vendettas hurt productivity
January 18, 2012
It’s easy to dislike stalkers and snitches with personal vendettas. But you can’t fire them just because they’re relentless, stir up conflict and waste your time and energy, can you?
Most of us dislike snitches. And there are rules and laws against stalking someone in the workplace.
But if you’re a manager, someone who tells you about things your other employees are doing wrong can seem helpful. A snitch doesn’t always look like a snitch if you’re the beneficiary, not the target or victim, of their tattling. And they can provide useful information about serious problems you may not be aware of.
For example:
Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Eliminate Low Attitudes CD, Hostile Workplace, Stop Bullies Book | 1 Comment »
Do Private Apologies Mean Bullying Will Stop?
January 15, 2012
Sometimes, bullies come to us and apologize in private for their behavior and promise that they won’t do it again. Does that mean that the harassment, abuse and bullying will stop?
Topics: Bullies at Home, Coaching, Consulting, parenting, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book | No Comments »
Members of Whiners’ Club definitely bad for business
January 11, 2012
With one exception, workplace cliques are bad for business. If you allow them to operate behind the scenes, they’ll destroy morale, teamwork and productivity. Yet, as the economy continues in a recession, people’s fear and stress will lead them to band together to find comfort and scapegoats.
We usually recognize cliques that use bullying tactics to preserve their turf and to get ahead. Let’s focus on one particular type of clique that will become more prevalent and more destructive as the recession deepens – the Whiners’ Club.
Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Eliminate Low Attitudes CD, Hostile Workplace, Stop Bullies Book | No Comments »
Stop Angry Obsessing; Start Acting Effectively
January 8, 2012
Cindy was up again at 2 AM, infuriated at her mother and her older sister. They were so mean and cruel. What they’d said and done hurt so much. It was like she was a child again, subjected to their verbal beatings. The more she thought of what they had done, the angrier she became. She couldn’t stop her racing mind from obsessing on what they’d said.
She linked the episode yesterday afternoon to the thousands of times she’d felt the same pain and frustration. She wanted to beat them, even kill them, or never see them again. But they were her family and she thought she couldn’t talk back or leave them. She felt frustrated and stuck.
As the rage took her over, guilt and shame started growing. How could she feel that hateful about her family? Maybe they really were trying to help her? The more she tried to get back to sleep, the more she jumped back and forth between rage and guilt. She hadn’t seemed to make any progress in becoming a better, more spiritual person.
Topics: Bullies at Home, Coaching, Consulting, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book | No Comments »
Beware meeting saboteurs who can derail effectiveness
January 4, 2012
Marie couldn’t run a productive meeting. Even after leadership training to fix the problem, her teams’ meetings lost focus, ran way over their scheduled times and repeatedly became time-wasters.
She couldn’t see why she had these problems. She’d prepared ahead, the meetings had agendas, she solicited input and she always sought consensus. So what was wrong?
The reason was clear to an outside observer. She had saboteurs on each of her two teams and she didn’t know how to deal with them. Their negativity was destroying morale, teamwork and productivity.
Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Eliminate Low Attitudes CD, Hostile Workplace, Stop Bullies Book | 1 Comment »
Stop Bullies Who Know-It-All about Cancer
January 2, 2012
Our beloved four-year-old granddaughter has cancer. She finished surgery and is in radiation-chemotherapy mode. They say there’s a good chance she’ll live long and prosper. We grasp that life preserver and try not to cry all the time while we go about fulfilling other responsibilities.
Thank you for that gasp and intake of breath.
All the staff at Children’s Hospital were wonderful. All the families we met there were also kind, considerate, caring and thoughtful. Disease and death are great levelers – we’re all there because were attached to a kid in trouble.
Almost all our family and friends are also wonderful. We show up with food, holiday presents for all the kids, baby sitting, prayers, gasps, tears and arms-around sharing of pain and hope.
And then there are the very few know-it-all bullies and the vicious self-bullying that I want to talk about.
Topics: Bullies at Home, Coaching, Consulting, parenting, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book | 6 Comments »
Stop office ‘energy vampires’ before they suck you dry
December 28, 2011
Inefficient technology and operational systems can suck the energy out of a company. Bottomless-pit projects are interminable, yielding few benefits from more effort thrown at them. They’re the subjects of fruitless, time-wasting meetings.
But fixing them is child’s play compared to stopping the human “vampires” who suck the energy out of those around them at work. Unfortunately these narcissistic, bullying energy vampires are all too common. If you ignore them, they’ll destroy productivity and morale.
Here are a few examples to be on the watch for in your workplace:
Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Eliminate Low Attitudes CD, Hostile Workplace, Stop Bullies Book | 1 Comment »
Stop Bullying by Personal “Dementors”
December 25, 2011
The Harry Potter series has given us many vivid and compelling images. One of my favorites is the “Dementors.”
Bullies can act like Dementors. They can torment us and suck the joy out of any wonderful moment or out of our plans for a wonderful future.
Some people also have personal, inner Dementors that suck the joy and commitment out of their lives.
Topics: Bullies at Home, Coaching, Consulting, parenting, Stop Bullies Book | 1 Comment »