Stop School Bullies: Use Laws, People, Programs
July 27, 2010
In their article in the New York Times, “There’s Only One Way to Stop a Bully,” Susan Engel and Marlene Sandstrom focus on the educational aspects of programs designed to stop school bullying. Let’s look at the whole picture and especially at the piece that’s usually missing from ineffective school programs:
- Read the rest of this entry »
Topics: Bullies at School, Coaching, Consulting, Public Speaking, Stop Bullies Book, parenting | 1 Comment »
Stop Bullying by Toxic, Adult Children
July 1, 2010
Stopping bullying by toxic parents and grandparents is only one side of the coin. The other side is to stop bullying of parents by adult children who are toxic users and abusers.
I’ll focus on the adult children who:
- Make poor decisions and try bully their parents to bail them out time after time.
- Still yell at or even hit their middle-aged parents just like they did when they were teenagers.
- Extort money from their parents in return for allowing them to see the grandchildren.
I won’t go into the abuse of elderly or senile parents, nor into situations in which the child is disabled or retarded and will need parental care for life.
Topics: Bullies at Home, Coaching, Consulting, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book, parenting | 4 Comments »
Stop School Bullies or They’ll Ruin Summer Vacations
June 21, 2010
Where do school bullies go during summer vacation? Do you think they take the summer off and stop bullying until September?
School bullies enjoy the summer. Usually there are fewer adult supervisors at camps, recreation centers, pools, playgrounds or in the mall to stop their bullying.
Topics: Bullies at School, Coaching, Consulting, Stop Bullies Book, parenting | 1 Comment »
Stop Bullies: Girls Bullying Girls
June 15, 2010
Just as many girls as boys are bullies but girls more often target other girls.
Girls do bully other girls physically. One publicized example is the Florida girls who beat up a classmate and then posted the video on YouTube.However, most girl-girl bullying is verbal and emotional. Seven of the nine bullies were girls in the publicized case that led to the recent suicide of Phoebe Prince. Their attacks on Phoebe were choreographed, strategically planned and relentlessly executed. The abuse was verbal, physical and through cyber space.
Topics: Bullies at School, Coaching, Consulting, Parenting Bully-Proof Kids Book, Stop Bullies Book, cyberbullying, parenting | 3 Comments »
Stop Bullying Queen Bees in Your Neighborhood
June 1, 2010
In summer the “Queen Bees” come out in force. Every neighborhood has at least one.
For example, Jill was jealous of Mary. All the other women in the neighborhood liked Mary. Her home was always open; she always had treats; her kids are fun and shared their toys and games. The nicer Mary was, the more the other neighbors liked her, the more jealous Jill was.
Jill made excuses about what Mary had done that made her dislike Mary, but underneath it was simple envy that turned to hate. In Jill’s mind there was room for only one queen bee in the hive.
Jill’s venom came out in sneaky, backstabbing tactics.
Topics: Bullies at Home, Coaching, Consulting, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book | 1 Comment »
Stop Emotional Bullies: Drama Queens
May 25, 2010
Some bullies use their strong emotions to become the center of attention, take control and coerce or manipulate other people to give in and do what the emotional bully wants.
Children throwing fits are practicing and learning if that tactic works. Adult masters of emotional bullying are effective with spouses, partners, friends, extended families and at work. Some bullies are especially effective in places where other people’s politeness keeps them from stopping the bullying – like at parent groups, reading clubs and parent-teacher meetings.
These “Drama Queens” and their male counterparts have strong emotions and over-the-top reactions. They come in many forms.
Topics: Bullies at Home, Bullies at School, Coaching, Consulting, Hostile Workplace, Public Speaking, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book | 3 Comments »
Stop Mean Girls Before They Trash You
May 17, 2010
“Fighting for Girls: New Perspectives on Gender and Violence,” edited by Meda Chesney-Lind and Nikki Jones, cites recent studies to show that violence by girls has decreased. In a New York Times article, “The Myth of Mean Girls,” Mike Males and Meda Chesney-Lind also state that our common perception that there are mean girls and that girls can be violent, “is a hoax.”
Well, that just gives new research studies a bad name, or at least those conclusions. As Mark Twain said, “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.”
Topics: Bullies at School, Coaching, Public Speaking, Stop Bullies Book, parenting | 1 Comment »
Stop Bullies: Mothers Get Put-Downs, No Respect
May 11, 2010
Verbal harassment, bullying and abuse; put-downs, lack of respect and cutting out can destroy confidence and self-esteem. Disparaging and demeaning remarks; ostracism, backed by righteous, sneering, superior judgments can be devastating to children. But they’re no less severe when done by adults to adults.
A Mother’s Day article in the Wall Street Journal by Amy Henry, “What Cards Never Say on Mother’s Day,” complained about the lack of respect that dedicated, full-time mothers often get from other women, “even after four decades of feminism.” The article had some suggestions for dedicated mothers who still struggle to get respect from working women.
While the article was accurate in pointing out the problem, I think it totally missed the solution.
Read the rest of this entry »Topics: Coaching, Relationships, Stop Bullies Book, parenting | 3 Comments »
Stop Bullies at Work: Control Freaks
May 4, 2010
Some control freaks at work are complete narcissists, others cover up major insecurities. We can make lists of possible reasons that led someone to be a controlling adult – for example, genetics, they grew up with control freaks, they had no control when they were kids, their control when they were kids saved them, control assuages their terror of the unknown, control helps them succeed, they really are smarter and more competent than the rest of us, they want to feel like they’re smarter and more competent than the rest of us, or the feeling of righteousness is intoxicating.
Of course even more reasons can be listed, but especially at work where our influence is small and temporary, our psychoanalysis of these abusive bullies rarely helps us change their behavior. In the workplace, we suffer from the symptoms of their behavior, not the causes.
The real question at work is not why they act the way they do, but how to stop them.
Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Eliminate Low Attitudes CD, Hostile Workplace, Public Speaking, Stop Bullies Book | 2 Comments »
Stop Abusive, Bullying, Toxic False-Friends
April 27, 2010
There are toxic people in every environment – toxic lovers, husbands, wives, parents, children, relatives, bosses and coworkers. Many people let bullying friends continue abusing them because they want to maintain the friendship. They won’t disagree with or hurt the feelings of the false-friend even if he or she’s a righteous, narcissistic control-freak.
However, if you don’t stop these bossy, self-centered bullies, they’ll increase your anxiety and stress, harass you and make your life miserable, take over your life and eventually turn other friends against you.
Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Public Speaking, Stop Bullies Book | 4 Comments »
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