Stop bullies at home work | Hostile workplace and Emotional Abuse

Don’t try to make all your employees happy

Ben — Tue, 06 May 2008 04:31:20 +0000

Don’t try to make all your employees happy. But do make your best employees happy.

Do you recognize who the best employees and managers are?

You can care too much about winning your parents’ approval

Ben — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 04:03:39 +0000

My last post was about adults who carry to their graves the wounding and scars they got from their parents. These adults never grow up mentally, emotionally and spiritually. They never leave their parents’ mental and emotional homes, even if they leave physically.

While watching the John Adams mini-series, I saw a classic example.

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Getting over parents who wound their children: the 2nd stage of growing up and leaving home

Ben — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:49:39 +0000

Obviously there are great parents. And there are children who repeatedly wound their parents. But let’s focus on parents who repeatedly wounded their children … and still continue to bully and control them even after the children have become adults.

Whether that’s done consciously and intentionally, or the parents are righteous and oblivious to the effects they’re having, or they think that they’re preparing their children to be humble and moral or to face a hostile world, the pain is real and the effects can last for decades.

Before we review a typical case study and offer the keys to moving on and creating the life you want, let me ask, have you been wounded by your parents?

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Dieting? Quitting smoking or stopping drinking? Whose advice should you trust?

Ben — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 12:24:55 +0000

Are you dieting? Have you noticed that everyone has advice about the best ways to stop? The advice-givers also think they know best for people who are trying to quit smoking or stop drinking.

For example, Tammy is dieting again. She’s tried losing weight before, even succeeded, but has always gained it back. This time she’s more determined. Her friend Helen says she knows best. She tells Tammy that she must eat big meals to celebrate every small success, like when she loses a few pounds. If Tammy follows her advice, Helen will know that Tammy is really her good friend.

You’ve seen the same pattern when smokers push cigarettes on a friend who’s trying to quit. Or when a drinker gets upset and pushes drinks on a friend who’s trying to stop drinking.

Is Helen really Tammy’s friend? Does Helen have Tammy’s best interests at heart? Should Tammy listen to Helen’s advice?

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The 9 Circles of Trust

Ben — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 16:10:07 +0000

Whether you’re thinking of personal relationships or the workplace or you’re teaching your children, how can you know who to trust?

Some people think that it’s morally and spiritually advanced to start by trusting everyone. You’re somehow a bad person if you don’t trust people. After all, you get what you put out. Other people say that everyone is out to get whatever they can so you should start by trusting no one.

Where do you usually begin? And do you have any horror stories of people who trusted too much or too little? Or heart-warming stories when trusting won over a previously un-trustworthy person?

Read more and you’ll learn about the 9 circles of trust – a process for getting around the unanswerable, philosophical trust-question.

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What can you do if the new bosses want to fire you?

Ben — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 03:15:42 +0000

I received a number of confidential responses to my blog post on “Top ten ways to create a hostile workplace.” One theme in many responses was about the question: “What should I do if leadership has changed and the new bosses want me gone so they can bring in their own people?”

That’s a situation I’ve also seen many times in my consulting.

What would you do?

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Managers who act like therapists victimize their whole team

Ben — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 02:00:55 +0000

Good managers respond to their employees’ personal problems and the distractions of their major, joyous events, like weddings and births. But what happens when a manager tries to be the therapist for a few underperforming and troubled employees, but fails to fix them?

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Stop the bully in the next cubicle

Ben — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:53:52 +0000

What do you do if the person in the next cubicle constantly gives you the silent treatment, glares, ignores your requests for information, makes belittling comments in meetings, puts you down in public, spreads false gossip about you, takes credit for what you did, accuses you falsely of making mistakes, tries to rally other people to be nasty to you and cuts you down to your manager?

Even worse, what do you do if that’s your boss, and he also yells at you, makes personal and derogatory comments in front of the rest of the team, gives you unreasonable projects or deadlines so you’ll fail, evaluates you dishonestly and harshly, and is relentlessly critical?

Women, just as much as men, create hostile workplaces by verbal abuse and emotional intimidation. They may even be more sneaky and manipulative.

What’s happened to you? And what can you do?

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Repeated bullying tolerated by school officials

Ben — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:18:58 +0000

What would you do if you were the principal of a school in which a boy’s brother records on his cell phone camera the boy getting out of the car, walking up to an unsuspecting Billy Wolfe waiting at a bus stop, punching him hard enough to leave a fist-size welt on his forehead and then showing the video around the school?

What would you do when Billy gets beaten up in the bathroom or on the school bus or in shop class or in Spanish class or has a harassing facebook page directed at him? What would you do if that violence and brutality went on for three years?

What would you do if you were the parents of the bullies?

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Stop verbal abuse by a know-it-all boss

Ben — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:12:29 +0000

Iris’s manager knows everything. He bullies Iris and her co-workers by being right and righteous; he’s sarcastic and demeaning. He destroys teamwork by his constant criticism. There’s never a word of praise, only correction and put-downs delivered in a haughty voice. Every sentence starts with an unspoken, “Well, stupid, you should know …” or an exasperated, “I’m so frustrated; you’re so incompetent.”

He acts superior while he runs down each employee to the other managers or bigger bosses. He lists their faults and every mistake they’ve ever made. There’s never a word of praise for their many accomplishments. He seems to enjoy making each critical, hostile remark. He says that it’s for their own good; it’ll help them become perfect.

Iris feels chastised, like she’s a child being corrected by a harsh parent. She’s worked at the company for 15 years; her boss for 5.

What do you think should she do about his bullying?

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