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Stop Gossip Girls’ Bullying, Harassment and Abuse at Work
By Ben | December 8, 2009
Recent articles in the “New York Times” by Shayla McKnight, in the “Harvard Business Blogs” by Cheryl Dolan and Faith Oliver, and in “Stumble Upon” have focused on the harm done by workplace “gossip girls,” “mean girls” and on the difficulty in stopping these bullies. However, some academics have even made a case for the benefits of gossip at work.
Although men also engage in gossip at work, the typical image of harassment and bullying with gossip involves grown up mean girls using the same tactics they perfected in middle and high school.
Gossip is part of a pattern of negativity, verbal abuse, sabotage, rumor mongering, exclusion, back-stabbing, public ridicule, “catfights,” arguments, vendettas, disrespect, cutting out and forming warring cliques, crowds or mobs that wreaks havoc on previously productive teams. Conflict and stress, and turnover and sick leave increase, while morale and productivity are destroyed. These tactics lead to hostile workplace and discrimination suits against companies that don’t actively recognize and remove stealthy gossip girls, their supporters and managers who tolerate the bullying.
Although gossip, harassment and bullying by mean girls are scourges at work, they can be stopped.
Of course there are people for whom gossip is a way of life. They can’t imagine living without talking about other people. But if you want to maximize productivity of your team or company, you’ll have to stop these people, as well as the hardened climbers who use gossip to gain power and turf, or who simply like inflicting pain on their victims.
The key to stopping these hostile behaviors is team agreements:
- Ban the practices – have clearly stated company policies and procedures.
- Publicize the no-gossip policy during interviews and new-employee orientation.
- Track behavior as part of evaluations that count.
- Involve the whole team, as well as managers, to hold one another accountable.
- Remove people who insist on their own destructive behavioral code.
Make the overall tone at work be “We have more important things to talk about than gossip.”
Obviously, the burden falls on owners and leaders. They set the tone. If they’re the gossip girls or boys, you won’t be able to change their company.
But owners and leaders can’t do it themselves. They must involve and enroll all the employees. They must promote and keep only those who actively support the effort to create better attitudes and behavior.
Sometimes the voices of an outside expert and company lawyers are necessary to guide the process. But ultimately, leaders and employees must take charge of creating an environment where they can thrive without having to look over their shoulders with the same kind of anxiety and fear they had in middle of high school.
Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Eliminate Low Attitudes CD, Hostile Workplace, Public Speaking, Stop Bullies Book |
December 9th, 2009 at 11:04 am
I am very thankful for what you guys are doing here at bulliesbegoneblog.com. I feel like bullying is a very large problem and it is critical to help with this issue, which is just what you’re doing. On the note of raising awareness, there is an anti-bullying poster contest going on over at Brickfish that I’d like to bring your attention to. If you’d take a couple seconds and vote for my entry, we might be able to raise even further awareness about this issue. You can view and vote for my entry here:
http://www.brickfish.com/Pages/PhotosAlbums/PhotoView.aspx?picid=1073978_71121801&profilename=Causes&groupname=AntiBullyingPoster&tab=submit&jspost=1&cid=5673521&scid=512&new=1&isep=1&pbapi=3178583&pbvi=145343770&plyli=1&pdi=23&=FBPOST¬pbb=true
Thank you for what you’re doing,
Whitney
December 12th, 2009 at 7:04 am
Hi Whitney,
Thanks for your comment. And a nicely designed poster.
I’ll be frank and straightforward. If you hug a bully and they stop bullying you, they’re not really a bully. Real bullies are predators who look at kindness, niceness and people who go by the Golden rule as easy targets, easy prey.
So learn to defend yourself and give people one chance to respond to your kindness with kindness of their own. If they don’t return your kindness, defend your island.
For example, read my blog posts:
Appeasement Won’t Stop Real-World Bullies - http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2009/08/14/appeasement-wont-stop-real-world-bullies/
and
The Golden Rule Doesn’t Stop Real-World Bullies - http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2009/08/03/the-golden-rule-doesnt-stop-real-world-bullies/
Also, do you think a hug would have changed the bullying people in the comments people have offered on the posts below?
Get Away from a Controlling, Bullying, Abusive Husband
http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2009/06/09/get-away-from-a-controlling-bullying-abusive-husband/
and
Abusive, Manipulative Husbands Who Control Wives
http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2009/03/12/abusive-manipulative-husbands-who-control-their-wives/
and
How to stop a controlling boyfriend
http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2009/01/29/how-to-stop-a-controlling-boyfriend/
Also, read the case studies in “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks.”
Best wishes,
Ben