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Stop School Bullies with Anti-Bullying Programs
By Ben | June 13, 2009
As reported in separate stories by Yadira Betances and Margo Sullivan in the New Hampshire Eagle Tribune, some middle schools are effectively implementing anti-bullying, anti-abuse programs. The recent suicides of four teenage girls may stimulate a sense of urgency. There are some differences in the programs to stop bullies, but both have the seven elements crucial to success.
1. The programs specify what acceptable and not acceptable behavior is
General statements about respect and empathy are not enough. These programs give graphic examples of many forms of harassment, bullying and abuse. The unacceptable violence ranges from prejudicial put-downs and personally demeaning or mocking comments, to repeated acts of supposedly accidental tripping and shoving, to physical attacks. The programs point out that bullies may act any where – on the school bus, by the lockers, in the lunchroom, in the playground and in classes. In successful programs, the specific list of unacceptable behaviors evolves as new incidents arise.
2. Children are taught specifically what to do if they’re bullied or if they see someone being bullied
Critical to the programs’ success is that kids stick up for other kids. The kids always know who the habitual bullies are. The principal, teachers and staff must also. Ignorance is not an acceptable excuse.
3. The programs involve everyone
School board members speak out against bullying and review and support the programs. Principals and teachers are involved. Administrative staff and bus drivers are trained and supported. The adults set the tone: No bullying allowed. The adults are proactive, not merely reactive.
Most heartening is the involvement of the students. Kids lead the way in promoting the programs within their schools and in presenting it to other schools. Education is on an emotional level that’s age and grade appropriate. Fifth graders learn differently than seventh graders do. Most kids are excited to know they’re important participants in the programs and they know they’ll be listened to, supported and protected by the adults.
Parental support is critical; especially a core group of parents dedicated to supporting the principal and teachers.
The programs and policies are public; everyone who works at the schools, every kid and every parent knows what the ground rules are.
4. Consequences are clear and action immediate
Programs fail if repeat bullies are allowed to continue bullying during lengthy therapy and education processes. The first task of the adults is to make the schools safe. That often involves isolating or removing bullies rapidly. Rehabilitating or converting habitual bullies takes second place.
5. Administrators, school principals and teachers are courageous
Their moments of truth are when they have to face irate and bullying parents who defend their little terrorists by threatening to sue the principal and school for harassment. That’s like in the Harry Potter series, when Lucius Malfoy protects his vicious son, Draco.
In order to survive those moments, principals need to have good documentation, staff needs to pool written reports and school district administrators need to back the program. A good lawyer helps make staff’s efforts legal.
Critical to the programs’ success is a vocal group of parents supporting the principal’s actions.
6. Individual training of kids takes place at home
Teach children not to bully to get what they want or to make themselves feel better. Also teach them how to respond successfully to bullies; from learning to use verbal skills to learning how to fight back physically if necessary. Face it; some bullies won’t stop until you beat them up. Physical consequences for repeated physical actions are a good lesson for them as they grow up. A child’s effective self-defense sends a different message to bullies than does any repeated beatings they might have gotten at home.
Successful self-defense also increases a child’s self-esteem and self-confidence, and is good preparation for the world children will face as adults.
7. All steps are done at the same time
There is no one cause of bullying – like bad parents or uncaring teachers or cowardly principals or rotten kids – so programs won’t succeed if they focus on only one aspect of the problem. Successful programs get everyone involved to stop behavior that affects everyone. They work at the individual level, the classroom level, the school level and the district level.
Topics: Bullies at School, Coaching, Consulting, parenting, Parenting Bully-Proof Kids Book, Public Speaking, Stop Bullies Book | 5 Comments »
June 17th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
[...] Stop School Bullies with Anti-Bullying Programs [...]
November 16th, 2010 at 5:07 pm
I am so glad they have programs like this now. I know it has been an issue- my brother was bullied in school and is definitely a little off from it. And with the way that companies are going, it’s nice to see that they are teaching kids early on now.
November 18th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Hi Amy
I’m not sure what you’re getting at.
I don’t accept being a victim. I may be a target and I may have little/no control about that, but I find that if I don’t accept being a victim, I have a better chance of fighting the predators. And we all know that sometimes we get killed. There is no guarantee of success.
Acting like a victim may get big settlements in court but it doesn’t make for a great life.
Our job, the job of all of us, as it was for all our ancestors, is to do our best to be invulnerable to fate and to face in the best ways whatever life hands us.
Our human history is full of people and their stories who were examples of living with dignity, strength, courage, perseverance and resilience no matter what. And examples of those who didn’t. Call me and I’d be glad to help you find the ones that will keep you on your path.
That’s at the heart of both “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks” and “Bullies Below the Radar: How to Wise Up, Stand Up and Stay Up”. That’s also at the heart of all my work with people who need reminded to touch that fiery core in themselves and then plan effective tactics.
Best wishes,
Ben
November 24th, 2010 at 8:47 pm
How effective have these programs actually been? Are there any numbers that show that cyberbullying programs or laws have been effective at all?
November 29th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
Hi AJ,
Forget nationwide statistics because there are too many variables.
Laws are only as good as the people who put the programs into effect. But without good laws, programs will be less effective. For example, the mother got off because there were no laws even though she who set up the web site to go after the teenage girl, who later committed suicide. I place safety above this type of freedom-license to bully.
Every time I’ve coached principals and teachers who want to stop bullying, they’ve succeeded in setting up an effective program and in rallying the support of like-minded parents and students and police.
And in other schools, every time they wanted a canned program to show that they’d done something, they failed to develop the strength, courage and perseverance to create an effective program. Usually they lose credibility and have to move on.
Are you interested in getting involved in setting up an effective program in your schools or are you a bystander? Do you have a better proposal or are you just a critic?
Step up to the plate.
Best wishes,
Ben