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Teen Suicides Should Lead to Anti-Bullying, Abuse School Programs
By Ben | May 28, 2009
A rash of teen suicides (4 in the last six months) has alarmed a Schenectady, New York school district. At least two of the suicides have been directly attributed to abuse and bullying, especially girl to girl harassment. However, the school superintendent has been quoted as spreading the blame, “The community is also beginning to understand that these activities are embedded within neighborhoods and even in the homes across our city and across our country.” He has also made the point that educators aren’t parents and that their influence and control are limited.
I was interviewed by Steve Van Zandt and Jackie Donovan on their Daybreak program on Radio WROW in the Albany-Schenectady area. Our focus was what the school district could and should do. Steve and Jackie are great in presenting the issues and fielding calls.
Of course, the superintendent is right, but I’d like to see him step up and tell what part of the problem he’s going to attack with speed, intensity and determination.
First, he sounds like he’s leading a debate down the pathway of analyzing all the factors involved and describing the ones he might label as the most important. He’s an “educator,” which means he’ll get stuck in “analysis paralysis.”
But he doesn’t have to analyze or solve the whole problem of teen abuse and bullying in society. He simply has to take responsibility for the number one task of his school district and of each principal. The number one task is not education, it’s safety and security. Only when he can guarantee pretty good safety and security, can the principals and teachers in his district do their second task of education.
Second, he doesn’t have to continue analyzing what’s wrong at school, the kids know and each teacher, principal, administrative assistant and bus driver also should know. One brave middle school student spoke up at a community meeting pleading, “Just help us. We need help.” The four suicides, all in the same high school should be a wake-up call to him.
The superintendent is also wasting the summer; his best opportunity to get programs developed and installed. Summer is the best time to do the behind-the-scenes work to get an anti-bullying, anti-abuse campaign ready so they begin resolutely on the first day of school. A few straightforward, but sometimes difficult steps are for the superintendent, principals and a core group of committed parents are to:
- Develop programs complete with detailed descriptions of what’s considered abuse, harassment and bullying, and with swift, firm processes to impose consequences including expulsion.
- Get support from teachers and staff.
- Get buy-in from the community and a majority of parents.
- Train teachers and staff in what to recognize and how to respond effectively.
- Kick the program off with the students when school starts. Teach them what to do if they’re picked on or if they see bullying or abuse happen to someone else. Teach them how to be bully-proof.
Notice that I haven’t said anything about educating, therapeutizing or rehabilitating bullies. That succeeds only after anti-abuse, anti-bullying programs are implemented.
Wall plaques saying that students must respect each other are nice but ineffective by themselves. A detailed program with clear consequences, implemented strategically, firmly and continually can solve 90% of the problems at school. That’s the best that schools can do
Also, that would be teaching children and teenagers that the adult authorities will actually fulfill their responsibility. New York may also need laws to force this superintendent to do his job.
Topics: Bullies at School, Coaching, Consulting, Parenting Bully-Proof Kids Book, Public Speaking, Stop Bullies Book, parenting |
May 28th, 2009 at 6:22 am
[…] Teen Suicides Should Lead to Anti-Bullying, Abuse School Programs […]
May 28th, 2009 at 6:57 am
Telling folks what they want to hear is easy but taking responsibility and doing the “‘tight” thing is not! A Superintendent is very similar to being a ships Captain; the job demands that EVERYTHING is the Captains responsibility!
May 28th, 2009 at 7:29 am
What I see is that teen suicide and bullying et al - are like all societal problems, in that they are complex problems and very diverse. Each case is separate and occurs with different reasons.
Some of the problems do start in the home and some because of alcoholism, drug abuse or mental illness. All big problems.
The problems are so big - they’re not really solvable - except on a one-by-one, day-by-day, one-step-at-a-time effort.
We can only make a difference.
May 28th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Ben,
I really like your input on this problem existing in many schools today. I have worked with many students and teachers on learning skills and yet the whole major issue is behavioral attitudes both in and outside of the classroom. Ridicule is one of the most detrimental things that one human can do to another. This old thing about sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never harm me is not really true as anyone who has any NLP in their background knows. At least I would hope they would know this. Keep up the great work you are doing.
My best to you,
Paul M. Brown
May 28th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Thanks for making that point CaptD. I agree.
I think that there are “Moments of Truth” for all of us, especially those in positions of responsibility, leadership and authority. That superintendent is running away from his.
He’s also tactically inept. He’s alienating the community whose support he needs, instead of getting them to support anti-bullying and anti-abuse efforts.
Best wishes,
Ben
May 28th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Thanks for the comment Dave.
I agree; abuse, bullying, harassment and teen suicides are huge, many-faceted problems. I always look for where individuals can make their contribution, over time, one day at a time. No one can solve the whole problem and we certainly won’t solve anything forever. But we can make difference where we are.
That superintendent is positioned perfectly to make a significant difference. And he’s blowing the opportunity that is legitimately his; he has responsibility, leadership and authority. Yet he’s alienating the community whose support he needs in order to succeed. He should jump in with both feet to do his share of the solution. He should say, “I want to end harassment, bullying and abuse in our schools. Here’s a draft of a plan. Let’s talk about how we can better the plan and how you good people can rally behind it so we can turn the tide and make the school safe for our kids.”
I think the rest of this rant is the subject of the next post.
Best wishes,
Ben
May 28th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Thanks for the comment Paul.
Yes, ridicule can hurt and the scars can be long-lasting.
I think we need to work on two paths at the same time:
1. Cut down on the ridiculing in schools (and elsewhere).
2. Help individuals become “bully-proof.” Teach them how not to take anything personally so the slings and arrows bounce off or go right through. And teach them how to stop ridiculers in their tracks.
There’s a section about that in my book, “Parenting Bully-roof Kids.”
NLP techniques certainly can help.
And, of course, they’ll need that inner strength or attitudes at work.
Best to you,
Ben
June 1st, 2009 at 9:34 am
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June 13th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
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June 15th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
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