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Recession-Stimulated Bullying and Abusive Self-Talk at Work
By Ben | May 7, 2009
During economic ice ages or recessions, when times get hard, hardness tends to run rampant. Most people are justifiably afraid they’ll lose their jobs and the lives they planned. Will they get laid off or downsized through no fault of their own? What will happen to their savings, insurance, college and retirement funds? Will they be able to keep their homes or even eat next month?
How do people react in the face of their recession-stimulated fears? What type of bullying, harassment and abuse will increase at work? How can we decrease negative self-talk that increases stress and destroys self-esteem and self-confidence?
Harassment by Leaders and Managers
Managers and leaders will squeeze more from themselves and staff in order to reduce costs and stay afloat. But some managers and leaders will abuse employees and subordinates just because they know they can. Many people will tolerate bullying and abuse because they’re afraid they’ll lose their jobs if they don’t give in. But don’t give in to bullying, harassment or obnoxious treatment. You are still protected from those abuses. Don’t be pugnacious in return, but do insist on politeness and decent treatment. Know the law, get allies and advisors, and document on your home computer.
Bullying by Coworkers
Expect a huge increase in stealth bullying by coworkers and managerial peers. Many will think that their survival requires them to get rid of you. Some will become masters of backstabbing, criticism, sarcasm, snide put-downs, blaming, spreading rumors and gossip, smear tactics, taking credit from you, and forming cliques. They’ll smile when they do it. Keep your opinions to yourself and watch out for people who produce nothing, suck up and cover their backs. Form your own clique of productive people you trust. Also, ally with someone productive who has great people skills and a sense of what’s happening throughout the whole office.
Negative Self Talk
The worst problem will be a dramatic increase in this type of “self-bullying.” Your inner voices will make dire predictions of the future, tell you that you’re helpless in the grip of huge forces beyond your control and predict that, no matter how hard you try, you’ll inevitable fail. Your supercritical inner voices will try to stress, depress and discourage you, and make you give up. Your inner voices, full of self-questioning and self-doubt, can erode your self-esteem and self-confidence, destroy your hope and immobilize you.
Self-bullying is the most destructive form of bullying because it saps your will to overcome your circumstances. Self-bullying can rob you of your determination, courage, strength and skill. With those voices shouting or whispering in your ear, it’s impossible to gather yourself and make consistent, focused effort. If you let fear and self-bullying destroy your strength and will, you won’t have the right stuff, you won’t do the right thing and the economic tide will pull you under.
You know which people spoke to you in those voices. You know who really didn’t like or respect or appreciate you. And which people thought they’d motivate you better by beating you down. In either case, whether they ridicule your efforts or are simply certain of the bleak future they predict, their old style is no good for you now. You need encouraging self-coaching now, not self-bullying.
In addition to finding a great coach or therapist to guide you in the inner work necessary to convert those voices into effective coaches, there’s a lot you can do to help yourself.
Turn off the parts of the outer world that feed fear, despair and depression. Turn off the television and radio; don’t read newspapers or magazines; stop checking the snippets of fear on your smart phone. Don’t waste your life being discouraged by endless analysis of what’s wrong and the latest expert’s predictions of impending and long lasting doom. Walk away politely from people who wallow in fear and panic. You don’t need those moment-to-moment, panic-making obsessions to know what you need to do to stay strong and do your best.
Look around. Who doesn’t waste their time worrying about the economy, but instead, handles things in as little time and with as little wasted energy as possible? Who has an inner light that gives them joy even when they don’t have all the comfort and toys they want? Ask them how they look at the world.
Make new friends and acquaintances who stimulate your strength, courage and joy. Find other great people to stand with. In one swift and mighty sweep, end the self-doubt, the need to analyze and question, the self-bullying and brainwashing. You have great sources of inner strength and power, if you would but let yourself feel them. You have the guts and grit to thrive in this little ice age. Your ancestors did and you have their strong genes.
Don’t give in to self-bullying or harassment or abuse by other people. Overcome your fears. Be a courageous leader, wherever you are in your company.
Emerson was right when he said, “What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”
Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Eliminate Low Attitudes CD, Hostile Workplace, Public Speaking, Stop Bullies Book, Stop Bullies CD | 3 Comments »
May 17th, 2009 at 3:21 am
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January 21st, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Wow, Lots of good info on your site, especially in the blogs. I am recovering from being bullied and eventually mobbed at work and am trying to figure out how to deal with it the next time. Which books/cds would you recommend to start with and is most of the info in your blogs on the cd/books?
January 24th, 2011 at 9:52 pm
Hi Egg,
Thanks for the comments and praise.
From your email and your many comments I have some “hallucinations.”
Your problems with bullies seem pervasive.
One thing I notice is that you may think that if you’re nice and polite and quiet, bullies will stop harassing you and leave you alone. Usually, it’s just the opposite for real bullies.
Some quotes about this:
“If you are gentle, [bullies] will think you are afraid. They will never be able to understand the motives that prompt you to be gentle. They will think you are weak and unwilling to resist them.” The Mahabharata
“What will happen to a man with a noble and loving heart who knowingly places his head in the dragon’s mouth? Surely poison will destroy him, since this is the dragon’s nature?” Abolqasem Ferdowsi
Not everyone you befriend will return the compliment. In fact, some people will take your open hand as an invitation to feast on whatever you have.
You’ll find good ideas in “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks,” available fastest from this web site. Also, even though the situation described in “Bullies Below the Radar: How to Wise Up, Stand Up and Stay Up” is very different from yours, you’ll find many relevant techniques for personal change.
Forget about the intent of bullies and think of them as you would predators – hyenas or jackals. Learn to recognize the Early Warning Signs of bullies – just like you would have learned to read the signs, tracks and smells of predators if you lived in the woods 300 years ago. Nothing has changed.
Also, learn how to defend yourself in a way that the predators will recognize your strength and skill, and go looking for an easier victim. In addition to the smarts, energy, control and courage that you mention, you’ll need determination, skill and perseverance. It can be kill-or-be-killed out there.
You can learn a lot from my books and CDs (buy them) but given what you’ve said in all your comments, you probably need expert coaching to design a plan that fits you and your situation.
From telephone coaching, a lot of people have gotten the courage and strength they need as well as a specific plan and skill so they can succeed.
The rest of your life is calling out to you to take the right action,
Ben