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Top 10 reasons people form bullying cliques at work

By Ben | February 17, 2009

Bullying cliques (or vicious gangs) are apparent early in life.  They’re rampant in junior high school and high school.  You can see the same type of behavior perpetuated in the workplace.  O, the bullying is more harsh and twisted, and the justifications are more slick, but you can see the same ugly bullies, only in bigger bodies.

What’s been your experience with cliques at work?

What do you think the top reasons are that people gang up on others?

Do women or men do it more – and to whom?

Typical clique behaviors that create a hostile workplace include, but are not limited to:

The top ten reasons I’ve seen people form hostile, nasty cliques at work are:

  1. They’re jealous of other people’s intelligence, talent, skill, potential or success.
  2. They’re insecure and hate or are threatened and scared by differences and get to feel superior when they disparage other people.
  3. They use the clique to gain power, promotions and publicity.
  4. They want to attach themselves to the “in” crowd.
  5. They feel a thrill at the power of making someone suffer or beg for mercy.
  6. They feel justified because the victim did something bad to them.
  7. They feel powerful that they’re in control of punishment and retribution.
  8. Habits – they grew up that way and don’t know any other way to organize their emotional lives or get what they want.
  9. Narcissism and arrogance – “I’m the greatest.  Kneel before me or feel the whip.”
  10. It’s human nature.

What are the reasons you see most often?

In another post we’ll go into how to get the coaching you need to stop a clique that’s going after you or a coworker.

Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Eliminate Low Attitudes CD, Hostile Workplace, Public Speaking, Stop Bullies Book |

9 Responses to “Top 10 reasons people form bullying cliques at work”

  1. Stop bullying cliques at work | Stop bullies at home work | Hostile workplace and Emotional Abuse Says:
    February 24th, 2009 at 11:38 am

    […] Top 10 reasons people form bullying cliques at work […]

  2. Anon Says:
    February 5th, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    Took a job out of college at a non-profit… thought my coworkers were SO COOL at first, everyone within a year or two of my age. Only takes a couple popularity-hungry boys and girls to make the entire experience feel like high school… I feel totally ostracized, but having been a semi-outcast all my life I’m used to it and keep my head high. I feel like they really loathe me and are jealous of me. I try to convince myself they’re jealous (I’m musical, handsome, and highly intelligent) but sometimes it’s hard and I just feel hated on. Part of the problem is I let one of the future clique-leaders seduce me near the beginning of our training week.. big mistake. I dumped her later, as nicely as possible, and that was it. Work at the office is now hell, luckily I teach kids four times a week and that part is amazing! If your coworkers form a stupid high school clique and you’re excluded, there’s not much to do besides laugh at them and pity them… and hold your head up high!

  3. Ben Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 11:41 am

    Hi Anon,

    On the one hand, from what you’ve said, you’re taking the right approach: Since you can’t change the dynamics at work, do the best you can, enjoy what you can and don’t let them get you down.

    On the other hand, you might do a little self-analysis. Has this happened before? Are you an outcast or semi-outcast much of the time? Do people often think you’re arrogant?

    Have you learned yet how to get many people to respect, admire and follow you as a beloved leader?

    You’ll never be sought after by everyone, but you can learn to help a majority look up to you.

    That’s what expert coaching is for.

    I’m just guessing and asking.

    Best wishes,
    Ben

  4. Lynn Says:
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Hi,

    I started a job 4 months ago. I could not put my finger on the behavior. It feels so high school. I was not sure that I was being bullied as there was no direct harrasment. I am totally ostrasized. No one listens if I have something to say. Social plans are made with people and I am not included. There are 2 women that form the “Clique”. They whisper all the time. It is so unnerving. I have gone to my office manager to vent but I don’t want her to speak to these women as I feel it will make the situation worse. I truly don’t know what to do. I hate going to work. To think I left a job where I was on top of the world and loved and respected by my bosses and co-workers. I took this job as a career move.

  5. Ben Says:
    February 16th, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Hi Lynn,

    Now you’ve learned to trust your “accurate intuition” – if it feels like high school, there’s a good reason.

    Check out the 7 Early Warning Signs of Covert Bullies in “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks.” You’re seeing many of them: cliques, cut-out, ignoring and ostracizing are part of the tactics these bullies use.

    You’re stuck by your fears (see the Top Five Reasons People Don’t Stop Bullies). If you don’t want your office manager to act, don’t go to her. But if you do go, you have to make a business case (not an emotional case) for why the manager should act – if the two are always whispering, how much work are they getting done? If they create tension and hostility within the whole team, how does that affect teamwork and productivity?

    I assume you’ve tried to “break in” as the new employee but it hasn’t worked. And you’ve asked the two women “What’s going on?”

    Are there other people also being cut out? Do other people include you? Has your manager observe them doing this in the past? Does she think that the two are fine?

    For now, be super-productive and establish also a reputation as a high character, stellar co-worker and teammate with everyone else.

    Good luck,
    Ben

  6. Donna Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    I’ve seen (and beared the brunt of) some intense office gossip and bullying, but nothing like where I work now - A group actually went to my boss under the guise of helping their co-worker (my subordinate) and spread a totally false story regarding my relationship with her. My boss actually fed the fire by discussing the situation with her first and adding leading questions. He told the group he would “deal with it” instead of telling any members to come to me. Of course, none of this has ever been told to me directly. My boss finally presented the situation to me (last) and promised the group he’d report back to them. I can’t think of a worse way to handle office gossip…Of course, all relationships have been affected by his actions (especially my attitude). He is a news (pr) person and I actually think he likes the uproar created by this kind of thing.

  7. Ben Says:
    February 26th, 2010 at 10:39 am

    Hi Donna,

    I’m sorry you’re in a situation that’s all too common.

    People gather in cliques and go behind other people’s backs. Whatever their excuses, it sounds like no one talked to you or your subordinate directly at the beginning.

    Often, there’s one person behind the formation of a clique to carry out a personal agenda.

    These behaviors are especially prevalent in non-profits, public service organizations and government offices.

    Your boss may be like many other people who like uproar. He may also enjoy the role of rescuer-savior. A more accurate word for that role is “meddler.”

    For some ideas and methods to deal with the situation, you might check out “How to Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes.”

    And I always reality check myself by asking, “Have I been in this situation before? Often?”

    Best wishes,
    Ben

  8. Donna Says:
    February 26th, 2010 at 11:09 am

    Thank you so much for your response…I think you are right on point when you say the boss likes the rescuer-savior role. I’ve seen that refered to as “munchausen syndrome at work” and see it over and over again. I am just curious..Why do you think (or why have you seen) this behavior so much in non-profits and public service organizations? I work for a large school system in MD. I have been in similar situations at work, but it’s always a certain group of frustrated administrative people (women) where these similar issues have occured (I am a petite female).

  9. Ben Says:
    February 27th, 2010 at 7:55 am

    Hi Donna,

    Before I answer, I want to warn you about a path we (me too) typically in our culture: trying to figure out why. As if we think that if we understand why, then we can change their behavior more easily and painlessly. There are many people in the world we won’t be able to change despite all our understanding.

    Too often that path takes us away from the need to act. I rarely see that our understanding (mine also) helps us in these situations with those people.

    What we need to be doing is seeing if we have any political leverage to force these people to change or to get them fired. How’s that for a strong approach?

    I think that these behaviors are especially prevalent in non-profits, public service organizations and government offices because those environments attract and reinforce people who have many false beliefs and ineffective approaches they cling to despite the evidence. And bullies take advantage in order to rise in those environments. For example:
    1. They believe that people are basically good and if we all just sat down and had a polite heart-to-heart talk, we could resolve everything easily and sweetly.
    2. They believe that people don’t have hidden agendas about turf, control, power and personal vendettas.
    3. They can’t believe that women would do nasty things to other women – despite the evidence of junior high school.
    4. They are full of conflict-avoidant people who think that if they do nothing or if they agree with everybody, then conflict will go away.
    5. They are full of sneaky, manipulative, backstabbing people who get away with it because no one will confront them and fire them.
    6. They are full of cowards who don’t want to take a stand because they’re afraid for their jobs.
    7. They’re full of people who want to concentrate on their little area (teaching a subject, shuffling some paper) and don’t want to have to deal with distasteful or difficult personal matters.

    How’s that for a short list? See “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks” for a longer list and discussion. Any others you’ve learned from your experience (which is what counts).

    Remember, conflict-avoided managers create hot houses in which bullies thrive.

    Best wishes,
    Ben

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