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Talking to your kids about Cyberbullying
By Ben | December 17, 2008
In her article in the Wall Street Journal on December 17, 2008, “Talking to your kids about Cyberbullying,” Sue Shellenbarger writes about the difficulties of dealing with cyberbullies.
In addition to the difficulties in getting your children to talk to you about the problem, there are often additional problems because the bullies’ parents won’t stop their children and school administrators often won’t take effective action.
It’s so frustrating for parents because we feel pretty helpless. We may have to work hard to get our kids to tell. How many of us told our parents when we had trouble?
We have to plant the seeds of sharing and problem-solving long before the kids encounter this type of bullying. You have to know each child and with a shy or introverted one, be extra vigilant so you can probe at the first signs of trouble.
The other part of the difficulty is changing the situation. If the bullies’ parents don’t care and the schools won’t take effective action, you will probably feel isolated and stuck. Too many administrators are cowards – they don’t want to get involved.
We focused on strengthening six our children and helping them be determined and resilient in order to face the real-world jerks and bullies they would inevitably see at school and when they became adults.
Remember the adults who encouraged a teenager to commit suicide.
I give examples of how to deal with bullying in my book “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids” and the CD set “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks.” I’ve also written many posts on my blog about developing resilient kids. Of course, coaching can help you design tactics that fit your specific situation.
Topics: Bullies at Home, Bullies at School, Coaching, Consulting, Parenting Bully-Proof Kids Book, Stop Bullies Book, Stop Bullies CD, cyberbullying, parenting |
December 18th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I’ve often wondered why parents send young children to school with cell phones, and why schools allow them. School should be a safe environment, but with the advent of cyber-bullying, there is one more way to feel intimidated and uncomfortable at school. If these technological devices are necessary to a child’s safety before and after school, okay. But perhaps they should have to turn them in at the office every morning when they come in? Just a thought. I try to tackle school bullying in my “tween” novel, Grumble Bluff, and hope to make an impact, however small. But cyber-bullying is foreign to me… guess I was born a decade or two too early! Karen Bessey Pease, author of juvenile fiction, http://www.karenbesseypease.com
December 18th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Hi Karen,
Thanks for your comment.
Yes, everything that’s supposed to provide safety comes with a built-in hazard. Cell phones aren’t necessary.
Schools have never been safe. I remember the biography of Harpo Marx (remember the Marx Brothers). He went to school for one day. The kids threw him out the window (first floor). He came back in. They threw him out again. After the third time he didn’t go back in. And never did again.
Schools are testing grounds for the real world. They present us with situations in response to which we can develop strength of character, resilience and skill. Imagine growing up on a farm, in an Indian village or in the middle ages. Not safe. I grew up in New York City. Not safe.
There are no safe environments. That was the message I always got from reading the great hero stories when I was growing up. And each tale challenged me to prepare myself for similar dangers.
I’ll check out your site and your novel, Grumble Bluff, for my 14 year-old granddaughter - who doesn’t use her phone at school and doesn’t use any of the social sites. She wants real relationships with real people; not virtual ones with people who can be anonymous or just sign off if they want.
Best wishes,
Ben
December 29th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
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