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Repeated bullying tolerated by school officials
By Ben | March 24, 2008
What would you do if you were the principal of a school in which a boy’s brother records on his cell phone camera the boy getting out of the car, walking up to an unsuspecting Billy Wolfe waiting at a bus stop, punching him hard enough to leave a fist-size welt on his forehead and then showing the video around the school?
What would you do when Billy gets beaten up in the bathroom or on the school bus or in shop class or in Spanish class or has a harassing facebook page directed at him? What would you do if that violence and brutality went on for three years?
What would you do if you were the parents of the bullies?
In his column in the New York Times, “A Boy the Bullies Love to Beat Up, Repeatedly,” Dan Barry documents what really was done. In Fayetteville, Arkansas, the authorities did nothing at all or nothing effective. Mostly, they said it was Billy’s fault. They blamed the victim. The school bus incident was on tape but the Principal suspended Billy and only days later watched the tape and showed Billy’s parents that their son was innocent.
Because the authorities and administrators didn’t stop the bullies, it went on three years and it’s still going on now.
Of course, the school district mouths platitudes about a program to promote tolerance and respect, and protecting the identity of the perpetrators. They try to convert bullies, but they don’t stop bullies first. The district doesn’t want to get sued. That seems more important than doing anything effective. Maybe they’ll do something if Billy’s parents sue the district.
The kids at school all know what’s going on. They know that the legitimate authorities have turned their backs and given the bullies a free hand. When the responsible authorities allow bullies to control the turf, they allow violence and scape-goating, harassment and brutality.
Billy may have tried to fight back, but that doesn’t make him the problem. That just makes him one child against a gang. And with the size disparity that often happens in middle school and high school, he can’t win without adult help. When his parents went to the schools, way back at the beginning when it was only threats, the district wouldn’t act.
Billy needs to be extremely resilient in order to graduate and create a better life for himself. Otherwise he might end up like the cyberbullying suicide case that was in the news a while ago.
I’m sensitive to principals that don’t protect the victims because I’m from Denver. Remember Columbine High School. Have those ignorant, cowardly principals in Fayetteville not learned anything. There are many schools in the country in which bullying isn’t tolerated because the principals won’t tolerate it and, therefore, their teachers and staff won’t either. And they’re bound by the same laws as in Fayetteville.
Shame on those adults. They have shamed their community.
If I was Billy’s coach, I’d encourage him to stay strong on the inside and keep fighting, no matter what happens on the outside. Have the grit to thrive despite adults who fail!
Topics: Bullies at School, Coaching, Stop Bullies Book | 44 Comments »
March 24th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Great article Ben-I cringed when I read this today and was mortified that this was tolerated! Thanks for bringing this to everyones attention!
March 25th, 2008 at 7:03 am
Ben, I grew up in inner city Cleveland in the 40s and 50s. Elementary schools still used the paddle and isolation…it was also where you learned the code of not squeeling or whining about someone hitting you..so you learned to get tough or learned to lay low and stay timid. In Jr High it was different. Mini gangs formed and key bullies ran the classroom when the teachers were not looking. The bulling was also random and always ego driven and perpatrated when other peers could observe. Teachers did not want to be involved in student disputes so they may stop a fight but never beyond their classroom door. Going to the principals office was a way to get out of schoolwork..and again, no resolution beyond the office door. Since we were a split racial school, the serious racially driven fights occurred after school let out. Stab wounds, clubs, brass knuckles were not uncommon tools of continuing the fight. The kids from the ghettos were much better prepared to pursue a “war” than the boundry neighborhood kids were. As you can imagine, learning anything at school beside self defense or survival, was improbable. Consequently, my attitude is that violent children need to be removed from the school and sent to a military based curriculum since their parents failed to train the child to be civil. I’d also send the bill for that to the parents from the state’s department of justice.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:23 am
Hi Steve,
Thanks for commenting.
Yes, I cringed also. You just have to shake your head in disbelief at the adults who tolerate or promote this. Or excuse it with whatever rationalizations make sense to them.
One of the sad parts is that they’ll still be allowed to teach – and be models to children.
Gross!
Best wishes,
Ben
March 25th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Hi Keith,
Glad you made it out.
Sounds familiar. I grew up in inner city Manhattan (64th and Amsterdam before there was Lincoln Center) in the same decades and saw the same things. Verbal abuse and intimidation, and physical violence and brutality.
I was lucky because at my school the principal and teachers wouldn’t tolerate that behavior. Period! But, of course, you still had to run the gauntlet after school.
That’s where I learned about bullies. I learned which ones would eventually respond with respect and leave you alone if you used the right approaches. And which were relentless and wouldn’t stop no matter what. I also learned to keep an inner fire burning, to be undefeated internally so you strive to get out and make the rest of your life wonderful outside of the war zone.
I think those environments are invaluable testing grounds for all of us. You either get strong or crumple.
That’s why I wrote “Bullies Below the Radar” and “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks” and the CD set, “Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes” (focused on the workplace). That’s also why I coach so many suburban, “boundary” families who are totally unprepared for the battleground called “adult life.”
I agree with you, it’s the parents, the principals and the teachers who fail as adults. It’s the kids who also fail as humans, both the perpetrators and the ones who remain victims all their lives.
Best wishes,
Ben
March 31st, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Schools are public institutions that are required to follow strict guidelines… If the Principal is being non helpful then I suggest contacting the head of the local School Board directly – This type of behavior cannot be condoned and exposure either by the local newspaper and or the school oversight board will result in rapid change.
Tip: Take the BULLY battle to those that can DEMAND change (for whatever reason; even if it is for their self protection from lawsuit!).
March 31st, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Hi Don,
I agree. Start with the principal and work your way uphill.
Some principal’s won’t protect the victims – despite the moral and legal imperatives. Publicity can be good leverage. But even then, some take the side of the bullies or are too afraid to act.
Try to rally support with other parents – your child is probably not the only one being bullied.
And get a fighting lawyer, not a conciliatory one, and go for their throats. You may have to move your child to another school for protection while this is going on.
Using the words, “Columbine High School,” may help. (I’m from Denver.)
Good luck,
Ben
November 20th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
My experiance with bullies and school afficials led me to finaly drop out of school. I wouldn’t have graduated anyway, so I don’t blame anyone for my lack of education but myself. It just left a hard spot on my heart that dosen’t go away.
Now my 16 year old nephew has been kicked out of school because the staff at the school on this day did not protect him, instead they sent him out of the school and the bully at the same time knowing they were already argueing. My nephew does not drive he had to walk, the bully drives but instead of going to his truck he followed my nephew out of the school gates when my nephew heard the boy he turned around and started back torward the school. The teacher that told them to leave was watching so my nephew realized he wasn’t going to help. My nephew turned back around and attempted to leave on foot again, the bully started on him again, in fear of getting jumped on he threw his shirt to the ground and prepared to defend himself. No one ever through a punch, but the teacher that was watching suspended the both of them, and now there is a hearing to see if they will exspell my nephew or not. My nephew is on probation for doing a prank at the school. He has paid all his fines and restitution, and just wants to finish school with out being pushed to his limit every day. I know my nephew well and I can see that this is breaking his spirit. He droped out of all sports to consintrate on school work, and still ends up getting in trouble for the school failed to do there job. His hearing is on the 25th if there is no child left behind it seems like they are going to make my nephew the example. I’ll let you know how the hearing turns out. My heart goes out to all of you who has been through a bullying insident, and my prayers are with you.
November 21st, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Hi Brian,
I hear many similar stories about school officials, adults who are responsible, but won’t protect kids who need it. I hate it. And my heart goes out to your nephew.
Now … I encourage your nephew to make it on his own. Speaking directly to him, I say, don’t let bullies, jerks or cowardly administrators break your spirit. Keep a spark burning in your heart. Get a skill so you can get a better job. When you can, turn your back on the jerks and get out of there. Start a new life somewhere else.
Read my post on: “Teach children and teens to be resilient; don’t be defeated by disappointment, hostility, abuse, trauma or bullies.” The URL is: http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2008/02/17/teach-children-and-teens-to-be-resilient-don%E2%80%99t-be-defeated-by-disappointment-hostility-abuse-trauma-or-bullies/.
This post is about the “invulnerables,” kids who had terrible times when they were young but were not defeated by it. They grew up to be great.
There’s other posts also.
You can help. Encourage him. Teach him. Learn stories of invulnerable people and tell them to him. Set an example, as best you can. It doesn’t matter how poor or oppressed you are. Think of what your greatest ancestors must have survived throughout history. You’ve been genetically engineered to thrive. Fan the flame in his heart. Give him hope, if he works hard.
Best wishes,
Ben
January 15th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
[...] are making laws to protect children from bullies and bullying. We need new laws because so many administrators are cowards. They’re afraid they’ll be sued by parents who want to protect their little terrorists. [...]
March 8th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
[...] proactive administrators, teachers and staff. They set the standards and create the culture. Administrators, who are willing to let victims suffer while they attempt to rehabilitate habitual bullies, actually create hot houses in which bullies [...]
June 13th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
[...] All steps are done at the same time There is no one cause of bullying – like bad parents or uncaring teachers or cowardly principals or rotten kids – so programs won’t succeed if they focus on only one aspect of the problem. [...]
March 8th, 2010 at 10:13 pm
[...] In summary, the victim was ostracized and the perpetrator was allowed to roam free. [...]
September 28th, 2010 at 5:13 pm
[...] practices, foster or tolerate the worst and most flagrant forms of bullying? I don’t know, but teaching is right up there with doctors and lawyers and others I may be [...]
October 5th, 2010 at 11:07 pm
Is there any information for bulling on the school bus, whereas all officals in the school district have hidden behind the word policy. My five year old who is a special educations needs child has been bullied, kick and punched while all school officals advised if the bus driver dosen’t file a report, then nothing can be done. No report made, no abuse. The childs bus was swithed due do many malfuntions of the delivery of my child from afternoon kindergarten. Once the bus was changed the bully attacked her in school. Legal counsel is involved, the neglect to report of all officals in the school disctrict involved continued the abuse to my child, I am being acused of being voicetress and abrasiff while pleading for someone to stop the school bully filing a report, I am now being told in I go on any school property without a scheduled meeting I charges will be filed. They brag of their bully policy, but have eyes wide shut. If you have any information I would truly be thankful. My attorney was mailed a book of school polices along with their letter only a few hours after my attorney submitted a letter stating all matters in regard to me and my daughter are to be directed to him. They failed to mention the have advocated the abuse that continued for 3 weeks on my child while in their care. Keep in mind my child is a special needs child.
October 6th, 2010 at 11:27 am
Hi Lori,
You have a tough fight on your hands because they don’t want to do anything and they’re covering their backs. They want you to shut up and go away.
A standard tactic that bullies use is to change the subject. You want the subject to be the bullying of your child. They want the subject to be that you’re complaining in a disturbing way. Watch out.
Obviously, they never kept watch on the bus or around school after you made your first complaint. Otherwise they would have seen the bullying. They act ass if it’s your job to prove it, not their job to watch and see the evidence.
I think your only recourse as this goes forward is publicity. Follow your lawyer’s advice. But I think it’d be great if you could get reporters to spread the case.
Hang in,
Ben
October 6th, 2010 at 11:54 am
Reply #14 & #15
I’d suggest that you also get some “Tech Help”, perhaps your child can carry an iPod Nano (with it’s voice recorder turned on) or a micro recorder while they are on the bus…
Both are now inexpensive and very useful to allow Parents to actually hear what is happening to and around their children! If necessary, your child can tell everyone that they are doing an audio experiment to capture their environment or some such thing…
Then you can use your computer to email those video and or audio files (just like any other computer files) to allow those in charge of the school buses to hear what is actually going on! That way they have to deal with the problem and not that you are “just” a complaining Parent!
Once they realize that they have a REAL problem (and it is being documented) if they do nothing they are libel…
Since many kids carry iPods those in charge will have to step up and do their jobs instead of just dismissing your unverified “claims”…
Good Luck & Please let us know if this helps your Child!
October 12th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Thanks Don,
Great and practical suggestions.
The general rule is get evidence and document but never give them the original. Also, see a lawyer to learn what evidence you need.
We need to get the school officials to be responsible for an investigation; not to let them remain complacent while challenging parents to provide evidence.
I suggest giving principals one chance to respond rapidly in getting evidence and in starting a program to make sure that bullies know they’re in the wrong and to train witnesses what to do. And, of course, the principal’s principle duty is to be responsive and effective in following up.
Best wishes,
Ben
November 8th, 2010 at 3:16 pm
[...] Depending on the age of the girls, they’ll teach witnesses what to do. Unfortunately, unhelpful, uncaring, lazy, cowardly teachers and principals will look the other way or condone or even encourage mean girl behavior. They’ll put you off [...]
November 19th, 2010 at 7:43 am
chill lori to much drama
November 19th, 2010 at 10:21 am
Hi Micky and Lori,
I don’t know Micky – it’s Lori’s daughter that’s not being protected. That’s not something to chill about. That’s something to rip their throats out about. Figuratively!
If you were my father, I’d want you to be in there making sure I was protected, even if that meant you had to get upset. If chilling was more important to you, I’d be gone from you as soon as I could.
Best wishes,
Ben
November 19th, 2010 at 11:52 am
hi ben just out of curiosity r u and lory single parents
November 20th, 2010 at 11:35 am
hey ben again are u and lori single parents
November 20th, 2010 at 7:08 pm
agree with micky,lots of drama invilved with single parents,r u single parent ben?
November 23rd, 2010 at 9:50 am
[...] example Micky and Donald comment in the blog post, “Repeated Bullying Tolerated by School Officials,” (http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2008/03/24/repeated-bullying-tolerated-by-school-officials/) [...]
November 23rd, 2010 at 10:04 am
Hi Micky and Donald,
Don’t be shy and don’t be coy. What’s your hidden agenda? If you have an idea about single parents, make a statement that commits you to a position that can be proven or disproven.
I don’t know what your hidden agenda is, but your question is typical of a strategy used by many stealthy, manipulative bullies. They never ask, “Just out of curiosity.” They set traps so they can pounce on you with a “Gotcha!”
You can see an article about the pattern at:
Stop Sneaky Bullies’ Traps, Hidden Agendas
http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2010/11/23/stop-sneaky-bullies-traps-hidden-agendas/
If you think that single parents overreact, make the statement and then be willing to retract it if neither Lori nor I are single parents. Of course that open commitment might put you in the position of minimizing harassment, bullying and abuse – just like the school officials.
The type of stealth bully I’m describing never commits, they’d rather just keep setting new and different traps.
Be bold in defending your prejudices.
Ben
November 23rd, 2010 at 10:59 am
I agree with Ben, I’d like to believe that mickey and donald are for real and that they are expressing their personal opinions but since they just joined and added not one but two almost identical posts makes me think that they both are Phobogger’s*, or a single person with 2 different user names and a hidden agenda!
* From Urban Dictionary:
Phobogger: A Phony Blogger, someone that is getting paid and or promoting Spin to disrupt a blog discussion.
November 23rd, 2010 at 3:29 pm
donald i think u r right on the money everyone seems to forget I TAKES 2 TO TANGO
November 23rd, 2010 at 3:31 pm
PS GLAD TO C THAT LORI IS LETTING THE LEGAL SYSTEM WORK FOR HER AND IM SURE THINGS WILL WORK OUT Y CAN NEVER HIDE THE TRUTH CLEAN HANDS ALWAYS PREVAIL
November 24th, 2010 at 7:24 am
again ben glad to c lory has legal counsel, in sure the trutH about the events will come out and the party with no wrong doing will walk away with CLAEN HANDS, bem there is i repeat NO HIDDEN AGENDA UNLESS U AND LORY HAVE ONE, ENJOY THE THANKSGIVING HOLIDAYS A STAY FOCUSE ON THE IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE
November 24th, 2010 at 8:32 am
ben and others, before trying to give somebody advice i sttttttttttttttrongly advise u get to know the perso u r giving advise to exp lory, ben how can u advise someone u know nothing about other than her side of the stort i agree with mick and donald this person u r advising has way to much drama in her life,please before u advise somebody GET TO KNOW THE FIRST SO U CAN BE CREDIABLE
November 24th, 2010 at 10:27 am
agree with mickyand donald to much drama u have to know thw person wouldnt u agree ben?
November 24th, 2010 at 5:14 pm
good luck to lori. with out a doubt she made the rite decision in seeking legal counsel, it time that these schools should b held accountable for there actions, another innocent child suffers keep up the great work lori seems like u r a pro at things like this
November 24th, 2010 at 7:04 pm
Thanks Don for shedding that light.
I first noticed that Micky, Donald and Tom still don’t answer the question and stand up to publicly make the obvious prediction they made subtly. Then they changed the subject to pick on me. Typical cowardly, bullying tactic.
Then I noticed that both Micky and Tom and now Geogre S. have the same IP address.
Another hypocritical irony: They say “the party with no wrong doing will walk away with CLAEN HANDS.” But how clean are their hands?
Thanks Don for teaching me the expression “PhoBloggers.”
So for everyone else, ignore their comments!
Best wishes,
Ben
November 24th, 2010 at 7:14 pm
Ben
You now have a perfect example of “cyber bullying” to discuss!
I hope your “real” commenters have by reading the above comments, learned a valuable lesson in how to stick to the topic at hand and not be led off in a direction that others want to go for some unknown reason that has nothing to do with the topic being discussed…
November 25th, 2010 at 8:24 pm
Ben,
You are correct, on all matters. Yes going public is an excellent choice. Thank you for giving me my start. It will also depend on the best interest of my daughter. I have had parents from the district give their comments and support.
I received a phone call to read the local papers. On October 18, 2010, it was announced that 60 some parents have filed a class action lawsuit pertaining IEP’s testing for children of Autism.
I had no idea that this was brewing, while I was trying to have the bullying stopped. They knew of my daughters medical background.
Your response is exactly the schools officials agenda towards me, yes, they are trying to flip the script. My daughter was moved to a room for testing (for IEP) (isolated) and hit by an aide just last week,of course, they notified counsel two days later by letter and then suspended my child for the second time, and of course they blame the child. Keep in mind she is in Kindergarden. If the aide was truly qualified these types of occurances wouldn’t have happen. There are many occurances that they have flipped the script on me and now my child. I will stand by my child. Infact All children that are bullied…
They failed to provide a SAFE environment for my child to learn… ALL of our CHILDREN NEED TO FEEL SAFE…geez, to be a special needs child and then to be compounded by being bullied.
They failed by request to reveal the aides credentials while the aide continues to harrass in concert with other officials.
One of the new replacement officials/employees approached me without notice of counsel to tell me she has the same disability that my child has. Then started berating my child. She/He is also a replacement for one of the officials/employees that failed to stop the abuse. The prior is now a medical leave. Is that part of covering their backs, just as it began to heighten, the abuse towards me, the officials started to double-team and bully me. It seems odd that two of the officials/employees are currently on medical leave that knew my daughter was being bullied, punch, kicked, pushed and called names. It just seems odd…they may be on a true medical leave. Your thoughts…I’m sincerely thankful for all of the support.
Unfortunately, for my child it is still on going… As far any recordings, my daughter and serveral witnesses are found to be crediable. I will give strong consideration to all sound advice and as always have the attorneys give their consent for any and all sugestions.
November 26th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Lori
Administrative (or any other) leave of absence is a great way for institutions to cover themselves by making employees unavailable and then bring in others that will of course be able to agree with the viewpoints of those that are on leave! Since this is recent, I’m thinking that the 3 above “phoblogger” posters were linked to your situation, and you should consider all those that you have shared insight from this website because someone has connected you with it and is trying to lessen the discussion!
I’d encourage you since you now have a lawyer to ask them for a “game plan” for resolving your daughters ongoing issues ASAP. Having a new aide (with unknown credentials and employment history) suddenly take over your child’s testing then have their “testing” result in the suspension of your child is most suspect! If your Lawyer is credible, they will provide you with more than a “wait and see “game plan” and should in my opinion demand that the Officials provide your daughter with an independent assessment done by someone outside your child’s school district. I’d also try contacting the local paper and see if they might be interested in doing a story on your daughter with weekly updates; that will put pressure on the School District to do what’s right instead of what is cheap or easy.
+ Good Luck to both you and your daughter, remember you are not doing this for just your daughter or yourself, you are modeling the way for all the other parents whose children are also being bullied by the “System” but have not as yet discovered it or taken the first steps to stop it; expect to see many more folks offer support as they learn what you are doing.
November 29th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
Thanks Don,
I’d never encountered “pho-bloggers” before.
But, changing the agenda to what they want is a common tactic of stealth bullies. See the article when I point that out in a different context:
Stop Sneaky Bullies’ Agenda Control
http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2010/11/29/stop-sneaky-bullies-agenda-control/
I’ll use this example another time.
Good to have to watching our backs.
Best wishes,
Ben
November 29th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
Hi Lori
Good for you. And keep up the publicity and pressure.
I agree wholeheartedly with Don’s advice. Especially about the “pho-bloggers.”
It’s you live in a smallish place with few lawyers, they’ll probably start pressuring your lawyer that he/she will never get another case if he/she persists.
Be careful
Beware the big cover-up. On-going publicity and finding allies (families in the same predicament with the schools as well as citizens who will join with you) are the keys.
And keep fighting for everyone’s sake.
Best wishes,
Ben
November 29th, 2010 at 10:28 pm
Hi Don,
Thanks as always for your perceptive assessment and advice. Especially about the “pho-bloggers” and seeing if Lori’s lawyer is good enough and persistent enough.
Beware the big cover-up. On-going publicity and finding allies (families in the same predicament with the schools as well as citizens who will join with you) are the keys.
Best wishes,
Ben
November 30th, 2010 at 9:29 am
1. Thanks Ben – Many organizations are now using Phobloggers to spin media for their clients benefit! Usually easy to spot as either new or recent Users that all promote one “viewpoint” which is not the one being discussed and often even have the same ISP address!
2. Lori, Two things to consider:
A. When you say above, “They knew of my daughters medical background,” I’d suggest that you find out HOW they knew, because of HIPA laws it is a serious violation for the School System to disclose any medical info about any students! This is yet another serious issue your lawyer should be immediately looking into, as there are large fines levied against those that are found guilty of breaking the confidentially of someones medical history, especially children!
B. I agree with Ben, if you live in a rural town and it only has a few lawyers be very careful of the “old boy network” and I suggest that if you even think that may be the case, you seek a second opinion from a larger firm located in a major City that:
1. Most Important, A firm that will have no reason to “fear” any local “social or professional Retaliation” for defending you and your daughter properly!
2. Has settled a number of similar child abuse cases, BTW: Some firms
Specialize in them! You should not accept a Lawyer that has no experience winning these types of cases, you don’t want anyone learning something new on your “dime”…
3. Offers you an initial consultation at no charge, which might be great to do as just as a “reality check” so you can compare what they say to what you have been told by your local lawyer; and don’t be shy when talking about fees! If you are lucky you might even be able to find a gifted Lawyer that will that take your case for little or better yet no charge (Pro Bono) because it is the Right thing to do!
December 6th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
[...] your children are going to a school that tolerates or encourages other children to think that they’re special and, therefore, that they can tease, taunt, [...]
December 6th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
Hi Don,
Great advice for Lori.
Lori, keep fighting and keep looking for allies locally.
Best wishes,
Ben
April 11th, 2011 at 8:01 am
[...] your children are the targets of bullies and school officials who aren’t protecting them, you need to take charge. With expert coaching and consulting, we can become strong and skilled [...]
April 17th, 2011 at 10:22 pm
[...] your children are the targets of bullies and school officials who aren’t protecting them, you need to take charge. With expert coaching and consulting, we can become strong and skilled [...]