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Repeated bullying tolerated by school officials
By Ben | March 24, 2008
What would you do if you were the principal of a school in which a boy’s brother records on his cell phone camera the boy getting out of the car, walking up to an unsuspecting Billy Wolfe waiting at a bus stop, punching him hard enough to leave a fist-size welt on his forehead and then showing the video around the school?
What would you do when Billy gets beaten up in the bathroom or on the school bus or in shop class or in Spanish class or has a harassing facebook page directed at him? What would you do if that violence and brutality went on for three years?
What would you do if you were the parents of the bullies?
In his column in the New York Times, “A Boy the Bullies Love to Beat Up, Repeatedly,” Dan Barry documents what really was done. In Fayetteville, Arkansas, the authorities did nothing at all or nothing effective. Mostly, they said it was Billy’s fault. They blamed the victim. The school bus incident was on tape but the Principal suspended Billy and only days later watched the tape and showed Billy’s parents that their son was innocent.
Because the authorities and administrators didn’t stop the bullies, it went on three years and it’s still going on now.
Of course, the school district mouths platitudes about a program to promote tolerance and respect, and protecting the identity of the perpetrators. They try to convert bullies, but they don’t stop bullies first. The district doesn’t want to get sued. That seems more important than doing anything effective. Maybe they’ll do something if Billy’s parents sue the district.
The kids at school all know what’s going on. They know that the legitimate authorities have turned their backs and given the bullies a free hand. When the responsible authorities allow bullies to control the turf, they allow violence and scape-goating, harassment and brutality.
Billy may have tried to fight back, but that doesn’t make him the problem. That just makes him one child against a gang. And with the size disparity that often happens in middle school and high school, he can’t win without adult help. When his parents went to the schools, way back at the beginning when it was only threats, the district wouldn’t act.
Billy needs to be extremely resilient in order to graduate and create a better life for himself. Otherwise he might end up like the cyberbullying suicide case that was in the news a while ago.
I’m sensitive to principals that don’t protect the victims because I’m from Denver. Remember Columbine High School. Have those ignorant, cowardly principals in Fayetteville not learned anything. There are many schools in the country in which bullying isn’t tolerated because the principals won’t tolerate it and, therefore, their teachers and staff won’t either. And they’re bound by the same laws as in Fayetteville.
Shame on those adults. They have shamed their community.
If I was Billy’s coach, I’d encourage him to stay strong on the inside and keep fighting, no matter what happens on the outside. Have the grit to thrive despite adults who fail!
Topics: Bullies at School, Coaching, Stop Bullies Book |
March 24th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Great article Ben-I cringed when I read this today and was mortified that this was tolerated! Thanks for bringing this to everyones attention!
March 25th, 2008 at 7:03 am
Ben, I grew up in inner city Cleveland in the 40s and 50s. Elementary schools still used the paddle and isolation…it was also where you learned the code of not squeeling or whining about someone hitting you..so you learned to get tough or learned to lay low and stay timid. In Jr High it was different. Mini gangs formed and key bullies ran the classroom when the teachers were not looking. The bulling was also random and always ego driven and perpatrated when other peers could observe. Teachers did not want to be involved in student disputes so they may stop a fight but never beyond their classroom door. Going to the principals office was a way to get out of schoolwork..and again, no resolution beyond the office door. Since we were a split racial school, the serious racially driven fights occurred after school let out. Stab wounds, clubs, brass knuckles were not uncommon tools of continuing the fight. The kids from the ghettos were much better prepared to pursue a “war” than the boundry neighborhood kids were. As you can imagine, learning anything at school beside self defense or survival, was improbable. Consequently, my attitude is that violent children need to be removed from the school and sent to a military based curriculum since their parents failed to train the child to be civil. I’d also send the bill for that to the parents from the state’s department of justice.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:23 am
Hi Steve,
Thanks for commenting.
Yes, I cringed also. You just have to shake your head in disbelief at the adults who tolerate or promote this. Or excuse it with whatever rationalizations make sense to them.
One of the sad parts is that they’ll still be allowed to teach - and be models to children.
Gross!
Best wishes,
Ben
March 25th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Hi Keith,
Glad you made it out.
Sounds familiar. I grew up in inner city Manhattan (64th and Amsterdam before there was Lincoln Center) in the same decades and saw the same things. Verbal abuse and intimidation, and physical violence and brutality.
I was lucky because at my school the principal and teachers wouldn’t tolerate that behavior. Period! But, of course, you still had to run the gauntlet after school.
That’s where I learned about bullies. I learned which ones would eventually respond with respect and leave you alone if you used the right approaches. And which were relentless and wouldn’t stop no matter what. I also learned to keep an inner fire burning, to be undefeated internally so you strive to get out and make the rest of your life wonderful outside of the war zone.
I think those environments are invaluable testing grounds for all of us. You either get strong or crumple.
That’s why I wrote “Bullies Below the Radar” and “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks” and the CD set, “Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes” (focused on the workplace). That’s also why I coach so many suburban, “boundary” families who are totally unprepared for the battleground called “adult life.”
I agree with you, it’s the parents, the principals and the teachers who fail as adults. It’s the kids who also fail as humans, both the perpetrators and the ones who remain victims all their lives.
Best wishes,
Ben
March 31st, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Schools are public institutions that are required to follow strict guidelines… If the Principal is being non helpful then I suggest contacting the head of the local School Board directly - This type of behavior cannot be condoned and exposure either by the local newspaper and or the school oversight board will result in rapid change.
Tip: Take the BULLY battle to those that can DEMAND change (for whatever reason; even if it is for their self protection from lawsuit!).
March 31st, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Hi Don,
I agree. Start with the principal and work your way uphill.
Some principal’s won’t protect the victims - despite the moral and legal imperatives. Publicity can be good leverage. But even then, some take the side of the bullies or are too afraid to act.
Try to rally support with other parents - your child is probably not the only one being bullied.
And get a fighting lawyer, not a conciliatory one, and go for their throats. You may have to move your child to another school for protection while this is going on.
Using the words, “Columbine High School,” may help. (I’m from Denver.)
Good luck,
Ben
November 20th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
My experiance with bullies and school afficials led me to finaly drop out of school. I wouldn’t have graduated anyway, so I don’t blame anyone for my lack of education but myself. It just left a hard spot on my heart that dosen’t go away.
Now my 16 year old nephew has been kicked out of school because the staff at the school on this day did not protect him, instead they sent him out of the school and the bully at the same time knowing they were already argueing. My nephew does not drive he had to walk, the bully drives but instead of going to his truck he followed my nephew out of the school gates when my nephew heard the boy he turned around and started back torward the school. The teacher that told them to leave was watching so my nephew realized he wasn’t going to help. My nephew turned back around and attempted to leave on foot again, the bully started on him again, in fear of getting jumped on he threw his shirt to the ground and prepared to defend himself. No one ever through a punch, but the teacher that was watching suspended the both of them, and now there is a hearing to see if they will exspell my nephew or not. My nephew is on probation for doing a prank at the school. He has paid all his fines and restitution, and just wants to finish school with out being pushed to his limit every day. I know my nephew well and I can see that this is breaking his spirit. He droped out of all sports to consintrate on school work, and still ends up getting in trouble for the school failed to do there job. His hearing is on the 25th if there is no child left behind it seems like they are going to make my nephew the example. I’ll let you know how the hearing turns out. My heart goes out to all of you who has been through a bullying insident, and my prayers are with you.
November 21st, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Hi Brian,
I hear many similar stories about school officials, adults who are responsible, but won’t protect kids who need it. I hate it. And my heart goes out to your nephew.
Now … I encourage your nephew to make it on his own. Speaking directly to him, I say, don’t let bullies, jerks or cowardly administrators break your spirit. Keep a spark burning in your heart. Get a skill so you can get a better job. When you can, turn your back on the jerks and get out of there. Start a new life somewhere else.
Read my post on: “Teach children and teens to be resilient; don’t be defeated by disappointment, hostility, abuse, trauma or bullies.” The URL is: http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2008/02/17/teach-children-and-teens-to-be-resilient-don%E2%80%99t-be-defeated-by-disappointment-hostility-abuse-trauma-or-bullies/.
This post is about the “invulnerables,” kids who had terrible times when they were young but were not defeated by it. They grew up to be great.
There’s other posts also.
You can help. Encourage him. Teach him. Learn stories of invulnerable people and tell them to him. Set an example, as best you can. It doesn’t matter how poor or oppressed you are. Think of what your greatest ancestors must have survived throughout history. You’ve been genetically engineered to thrive. Fan the flame in his heart. Give him hope, if he works hard.
Best wishes,
Ben
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