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What happens when a conflict avoidant manager doesn’t stop a bullying employee?
By Ben | December 27, 2007
Bullying bosses are common but how about a hostile, abusive employee? Barbara has a bad attitude: she’s difficult, hypersensitive and harasses co-workers and even her supervisor. If anyone disagrees with her or gives her feedback, she gets hurt feelings, claims she’s a victim of harassment and pitches a temper tantrum. She cries, yells, stomps off to her office and slams the door. She fumes and gives the loud silent treatment. The insensitive offender must grovel in public in order to be forgiven. Her clique also badmouths the perpetrator. Barbara has done this for years.
The result: a hostile workplace; low morale and poor productivity; high sick leave, absenteeism and 33% turnover per year. Barbara’s bullying sets the tone in the office. Some people suck up to her by being nasty to people she doesn’t like. Other people gossip, backstab and become grumpy. Second-guessing, mind-reading and vendettas spread. No one wants to come to work. Everyone wastes time looking over their shoulders and focusing on the melodrama and tension Barbara causes. It’s a workplace soap opera.
Claire has been a conflict avoidant manager for 20 years. She wants to be liked. She has explained the problem to Barbara. She’s tried to improve Barbara’s bad attitude and to educate her on the effects of her abusive behavior. But Barbara feels righteous. She feels wronged, abused and harassed. She claims that she’s a victim. She turns her attacks on Claire for being negative and critical, and lowering her morale.
Do you think Claire simply needs to explain things better to Barbara? What skills do you think Claire needs?
Suppose you were Claire’s new manager. What would you do with Claire and Barbara?
Since Claire’s conflict avoidance, and Barbara and her clique were entrenched, it took months of coaching and consulting implementation to turn the department around. But by the next year, they were winning awards for team performance and customer service.
Topics: Coaching, Consulting, Hostile Workplace |
November 21st, 2008 at 8:08 pm
[…] must be practiced across the board, as part of performance evaluations, so one person does not feel singled out or the target of […]
July 21st, 2009 at 9:28 am
At least this bully is obvious , and it obvious to management that she is the wrong doer. There are many work places where so much injustice and low performance as a result,happens due to an unobvious backstabber, who is uses very sly tactics.
This is at least an easy situation where its obvious to the managers who is the wrong doer.The people who suffer under backstabbers are much worse off.
I would say give Barbara looks like a spoilt brat, who maybe had parents that praised her all her life, and she could do nothing wrong. There is also the option that she is venting some kind of abuse she has had .Im not an expert,im just guessing.
Give her 6 months max to improve and ask her why she does this. Also explain to her what the negative effects are on the work environment and productivity.
First be very sure that Barbara is the culprit. Often there are backstabbers in an environment who are so convincing .By the way supervisors also backstab because they think somebody else will take over their position,or because they are jealous of another persons personal life, or because they want to hide their mistakes, and make as though someone else made them.
Make damn sure she is the culprit. Backstabbers often manipulate other staff to be on their side. It can be very difficult to figure out whats who really is the evil.
If she is the culprit be honest and ask her to resign. If she does not you are going to have to get her fired legally. Dont be two faced and just jump to getting her fired legally . Dont stoop down to that low level.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Hi Brett,
Thanks for your comment. Sounds like you’ve had some experience with both the overt and the sneaky, back stabbing bullies.
I call the sly, back stabbers, “Stealth Bullies,” because they often fly beneath the radar. You’re right; they try to set up other people to take the blame. They always deny that they’re doing anything and they’re hard to pin down. They’re manipulative and rarely change their behavior.
In “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks” and “Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes,” there are special sections devoted to recognizing them, unmasking them and getting rid of them.
Because they’re so sneaky, they can cause much more damage than the overt bullies.
Rule of thumb: Conflict avoidant managers enable bullies and create cesspools of bullying. They become bullies themselves. They victimize the rest of the team in order to avoid confronting the bully.
Actually in this real-life situation, Claire wouldn’t take action and retired, Barbara straightened out in order to save her job but her main henchman wouldn’t change and was terminated. And the team became stellar under a new manager who insisted on high standards of professional behavior.
And we accomplished this above board.
Best wishes,
Ben
August 24th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
While even managers or bosses may fear these co-worker backstabbers and bullies there are times that managers stand back and take advantage of the division that these sad losers inflict on the work atmosphere.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Some organizations see harmony and among all the employees as threatening to management
September 2nd, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Hi Wilbur,
Unfortunately, you’re absolutely right. Some managers are afraid so they give the power to these bullies. Other managers use these bullies to create division amongst workers, so that the manager gains more power.
If it’s a management policy, get out of there; you’ll never change it.
If it’s one power-hungry or cowardly manager, you have a chance of changing it.
But good managers get rid of these bullies.
There’s lots of information about how to do this in the CD set “Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes.”
Best wishes,
Ben
September 2nd, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Thanks Ben, We have a guy that knows how to manipulate everyone including the boss to his advantage. I’ll simply call him Mc. Mc works her over and gets special treatment, comes in late, leaves when he wants to and by in large is unaccounted for. I strongly suspect he is engaged in fraud by submitting falsified travel expense vouchers that she signs without any verification. He (Mc) took advantage early to the blood that he smelled in the water, that being her lack of knowledge and confidence.
These situations are rarely winnable.. Your right its best to get out if possible..I’m not sure if its management policy, it seems to be more of a personality thing with what I see as a bad mixture of some wicked backstabbing people that are blended with a bad boss. What is bad is when ethics and lying are routine from the boss on down. That is dangerous and could be career threatening. Character and honesty are so essential to leadership but most companies downplay those traits in who they select to be managers.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:49 am
9-4-09
Hi Wilbur,
Well, with that information, you might have a better chance.
There are two general strategies that can be effective with these Stealth Bullies:
1. Find someone high up that you can convince to recognize the behavior and to take action.
2. Find a “smoking gun” of a fire-able offense.
If there is a pattern of false travel vouchers that can be documented and not excused by saying “it was a typo,” then you might have a smoking gun. Document in secret (don’t tip off either the bully or the manager). If the evidence is good enough (consult a labor lawyer in private – not the company lawyer), you may be able to move up the chain of command.
With my coaching clients (even by telephone), the more information I have, the better we can tailor the plan to your situation.
Good luck,
Ben